Ciao! My name is Saman Arzo, I recently graduated with honors in sociology at UCSC, and I studied abroad at the University of Bologna through UCEAP in spring 2024. Studying away as a first-generation transfer student of color was daunting yet enriching. It was daunting because I had been anticipating how to reach my goal of studying abroad without parental support, how I would afford this program, and how to navigate daily life with a language barrier. On the other hand, this study abroad experience was enriching because I could connect with myself and act with self-worthiness and resilience in the face of obstacles. I found comfort in a beautiful community of friends (new and old) to learn from and nurture, I met my travel and educational goals, my career path finally clicked, and I learned a new language!
Choosing to study abroad wasn’t a decision I made overnight. It took many small steps out of my comfort zone to get there – especially considering how daunting it would be knowing I wouldn’t have the approval of my family. To provide some context, in 2022, I finally transferred to UCSC which was (unknowingly) my first step to studying abroad. After two years of distance learning, chronic migraines, and struggling with depression, I was uncertain about what I truly wanted from my education. All I knew was that I wanted to befriend the world, explore, and make a home wherever I went. Transferring to Santa Cruz, I was nervous that my personal struggles might get in the way of connecting with others, excelling in my courses, or even just going about daily life. What I didn’t expect was the healing power of community. Living in the International Student Center (ILC) on campus, I was surrounded by students from all over the world. I found a web of connections that helped me feel truly seen and supported. I had never felt more at home, more myself, than that year – finding my place in the redwoods and building a sense of belonging out in the world for the first time. Through these bonds, my childhood dream of living abroad was reignited.
Towards the end of spring quarter (and the end of my friends’ exchange programs at UCSC), I reflected on the memories I had made with my international friends. I spent a year with some of the most inspiring, courageous, and giving people that I now had to say goodbye to. I spent a lot of time walking through the forest, pausing in the meadows above the ILC, or lingering on the bridge to Science and Engineering, lost in thought. I kept asking myself, What kind of person do I want to be? What experiences do I want to have, and how has this past year shaped those desires? In answering these questions, I quickly understood that I wanted to have my own exchange experience too. It was something I never fully considered because of my challenges. However, hope is a powerful thing, especially when you are surrounded by people who are living your dream and showing you that even if it seems daunting, it is possible.
Still, I wasn’t ready to fully commit. I figured I could always fill out the application, and in the final hours before the deadline, I could decide if I would pay the fee. During winter break in 2022, I took another unknowingly incremental step towards studying abroad. I purchased a ticket to visit my friends who went back home to Italy the following summer which lined up with the UCEAP application deadline. My plan was simple: visit Italy, explore Bologna, and decide there if I’d submit my application to study abroad the following spring semester.
This was a challenge that was altogether more difficult because I didn’t tell my parents I had bought a ticket to visit Italy or filled out the application, knowing they wouldn’t approve. Coming from a first-generation American’s perspective, I had the luxury of exploring travel for enjoyment while my parents associated travel with the traumatic experience of escaping their homeland, seeing travel as a means of survival and only necessary to reunite with and protect family. So how could I explain to them that I was going on a vacation to Italy for a month and potentially studying abroad there? It was hard to meet eye to eye on this situation, but ultimately I had assured them that I would be safe, in contact, and in good hands. Finally, July rolled around and I embarked on my first visit to Italy, and my first time traveling outside of the U.S.
Traveling through Italy was like walking in a dream, I knew that something had changed in me when I realized how much I wanted to stay. I didn’t expect to fall in love with Italy. My friends and I reunited in the cinematic hills of Pavullo nel Frignano, in the bustling city of Milan, even on the Adriatic seaside in Francavilla al Mare, and finally Bologna. We only had one full day there, and it was the day of the study abroad application deadline. At this point, everyone knew what this day meant to me. I’ll never forget the look on the faces of my friends, tired from the heat and sore from all the travels, walking so proudly through the streets of Bologna curiously wondering if I had decided to stay on their side of the pond. I was touched by their dedication, realizing at that exact moment that I had family around me all along.
What drew me to Bologna was the warmth the city exudes, enticing and irresistible to explore. The orange hues of the buildings, the yellow tint of the streetlights against the blue sky, the chatter of locals, the passing scent of Bolognese cuisine through the windows of the trattorie, the elderly sauntering down the street window shopping. With each step I took down the ever-bending streets, I was physically more lost, yet internally dumbfounded by a growing sense of possibility. I walked around in awe thinking about all the history of the university that is so deeply intertwined with the city. It’s still mind-blowing to me how long the University of Bologna has been established (936 years!). I remember the longing I felt when my friend took us to Palazzo Hercolani, and he said I would most likely have my classes there. Finally, the view of my friend’s apartment that summer evening took my breath away. There, I not only saw the iconic towers of Bologna lit up against the night sky, I saw a hidden world that was mine to discover. The city was magic. I submitted my application that night.
However, when I returned home I was plagued once again by thoughts about the risk I was taking. I pondered endlessly about how this would impact my family, how they would be able to navigate this drastic distance when all they wanted was for us to be together and safe. How would leaving impact my education? What if I waste time on courses I don’t really care about? Was I ready to let go of Santa Cruz? Could I afford the costs? Could I handle the responsibility? This was a small example of my thinking process during this momentous decision, clearly, I didn’t have everything figured out.
Then, I remembered hearing about the Gilman Scholarship from the Global Learning office. The Gilman Scholarship’s mission is to support undergraduates who might not otherwise participate in study abroad opportunities due to financial constraints, supporting students to seek an enriching social and cultural experience while providing students with the opportunity to return home with a deeper understanding of their place in the world. As a transfer student, I knew on top of financial constraints that I had a limited window of time for studying abroad and I was more likely to be unaware of study abroad opportunities and the Gilman scholarship. However, I also knew that almost all transfer students receive the Federal Pell Grant (including myself) which is a big qualification for the GIlman Scholarship, making for a perfect candidate. The application was thorough yet straightforward and gave me the space to thoughtfully consider what I wanted to get out of the unique experience studying abroad offers. Filling out that application was the first major step I took in moving toward my study abroad goal. It was an act of hope. When I received my award letter some months later, I felt that it was a signal forward. With the help of Gilman, I was able to put my full focus on gaining professional skills through my internship abroad, hone my Italian language abilities, and get specific knowledge of my career interests in international higher learning.
On the third of January, I officially moved to Italy to begin my semester abroad. When I arrived in Bologna, I was eager to begin my journey but also terrified. The familiar magic of Bologna boosted my confidence. Still, at times, there was the faint shadow of my anxiety following me around. I got lost in the crisis of who I was, and who I was becoming. I thought I would have thrived in the cityscape, but I’ve never experienced the kind of liveliness Bologna offers and was scared I had made the wrong choice. Moving abroad highlighted many insecurities of mine, most prominently, the imposter syndrome which took over and nearly robbed my enjoyment of this experience. I thought heavily about my father’s dreams of studying in Germany that he never got to fulfill. I felt bad every time I traveled knowing my mom was so worried about me. Neither of my parents were able to earn their Bachelor’s degree, which added to the gap in our relationship as they weren’t able to empathize with my struggles. In some ways, they saw my obstacles as preventable if I had just stayed home. Another challenge I experienced was the language barrier. With all these connections, I really wanted to be able to communicate in Italian to my friends and their families. Though I only have a basic understanding of the Italian language, I tried to put in the effort and continued studying Italian throughout my time abroad, and was able to engage in some mostly Italian conversations! It wasn’t long before I knew that I was ultimately in the right place. Granted, it took some time to feel like I deserved this experience, but once I did, I made every minute count. It was a paradox, being alone and simultaneously active in the richly diverse society of Bologna. I combatted my imposter syndrome by getting involved with the community and proving to myself that I have skills and a unique perspective I can offer in this experience. I was involved in several community events involving the young and bright children of the city in which my internship organization held an Easter Egg Hunt event. And on the other end, participated in a tortellini-making class that involved the help of the wise seniors of Bologna and their expert skills in pasta making. Of course, my internship played a big role in nurturing my attachment and connection to Bologna’s colorful community. I worked at PACE, an organization that teaches kids English through song and music. I was also involved with the Erasmus Student Network and found comfort in meeting the broader international student community during our weekly meetings in the center.
I found emotional support not only from my friends from Santa Cruz but from their friends and families. I was introduced to many wonderful people who became friends of mine and encouraged me to broaden my horizons. I tried rock climbing, visited a waterfall, camped in the countryside, had lively dinner parties, and rode bikes all around our beautiful city with them. I also met many wonderful friends in Milan who invited me to Sicily for a few days during the summer. I was hosted and went on vacations with my friends and their families, and I felt cared for and thought of on holidays especially. My parents also learned to come around, sharing some of their excitement for me and interest in travel. This further boosted my confidence in my decision. One of the highlights of this experience was definitely the ILC reunions my friends from Santa Cruz held around Europe. It was amazing to discover another aspect of their lives and create even more wonderful memories together in Edinburgh, Vienna, Paris, and of course, all around Italy!Ultimately, this study abroad experience has taught me a few important lessons. First, big changes come in incremental steps. I learned that I needed time to make big moves, and with each step I took, I became more resilient in the face of adversity. The second lesson, and maybe the most important one, is to embrace community. My biggest inspiration has been my friends, without their support I may not have been able to see my own potential and take charge of my achieving my goals. Bologna’s wonderful society gave me a chance to offer my skills and service which gave me a further sense of confidence and belonging. The last lesson I learned was that I don’t need to have every detail figured out and to predict every possible outcome to execute my goals. It was so vital for me to practice not letting my fear of failure lead to inaction. Moreover, I’ve found that in each step lies an opportunity, an idea, a hint towards the kind of person I’ve always hoped to be, myself.